No. 02 · Class of 2026
SpeedBench
The PumpkinCo-founder. Shares the very first commit with the watermelon and has not slowed down once since.
We won’t leave you hanging
The plaque
- Stage name
- The Pumpkin
- Instrument
- A speedometer, needle deep in the red zone.
- Day job
- Measures your internet connection: download, upload, ping, jitter and latency under load.
- Signature move
- Telling you the truth about the speed your provider promised.
- Plays with
- SmartBench (co-founder), KeyBench (gets its link delivered at a run).
- Debut
- September 28, 2026, the first day of fof.lol
- Inducted
- October 10, 2026
The original
The logo you see on the site, in colour.
- A pumpkin cut across: the flesh is the speedometer and the seeds mark the scale.
- The needle has hit the red zone, and the faded copies behind it show the swing.
- Speed lines on the left, and the stem is blown back by the wind.
On paper
The black-and-white version from the blog comics. Model sheet:
- calm
- flat out
- shocked
- impatient
Biography
A pumpkin is not built for speed. This one never got the memo. Cut it across and the flesh turns into a speedometer: the seeds mark the scale, the needle goes straight into the red zone, and the stem is blown back by the wind, because it is always in a hurry.
It measures download and upload, ping and jitter, and what happens to the delay when the line is busy: latency under load, the number that explains why a video call stutters while someone downloads a game. The test traffic goes to Cloudflare, and that is the whole guest list.
In the comics it is the bench’s adrenaline: it delivers links at a run, sulks under a rain cloud in a plane seat and sheds real tears when an app is uninstalled. For its induction the stem was turned to point backwards, the way it does on the logo: when you race forward, the wind blows back.
Greatest hits
Where to catch it in the blog comics:
- Our principles: delivers the link to KeyBench at a run, sulks on a plane and cheers in every language.
- How to install the tools as apps: waves a handkerchief at an icon in the bin.
- The Hall of Fame is open: times that speech with a stopwatch and finds it too long.
- Before a video interview: finds six envelopes queued in the router while someone backs up their photos.